How to Stop Being a Fuckgirl

As promised back in 2019…I am going to continue with my Fuckboy/Fuckgirl series. Here we go now…Fuckgirls!

Why am I writing this post?

After writing the Fuckboy article a few years ago, I knew in the back of my mind that it’s only fair to write about Fuckgirls too. Perhaps the reason why it took me so long to write this particular post is because I KNOW that during some point in my life, I have been a Fuckgirl. GUILTY party here. Perhaps I felt/still feel some deep deep shame about it. Hmm..

Another reason why I postponed writing this is because I’m generally all about women. I am pro-female. I love empowering women and I love girl bosses and QUEENS. Staunch feminist here. I don’t give a fuck if a girl wants to hook up with a bunch of dudes or play them the way guys play girls. Your body your choice! Do you as long as you’re being safe about it. But for reals, I don’t want the women reading my blog to feel attacked, judged, or belittled because some of what I write about Fuckgirls may hit close to home.

We all know there are different reasons why some girls are considered Fuckgirls. Maybe writing this article will shed some light and differentiate the little Fuckgirls from women who are empowered, kind, and confident. Maybe it’ll keep you from becoming one. Hell, maybe you are one already and don’t even realize it…if that’s the case…then…THIS POST IS FOR YOU! I’m not sure if many men read my blog, but for those out there who are…maybe this can help you spot a Fuckgirl and make your own decision around that. Here it goooes!

Defining the Fuckgirl

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From my experience, the term “Fuckgirl” is usually thrown around as the female equivalent to a Fuckboy. But are they really equivalent? According to Urban Dictionary, a Fuckgirl is defined as:

“A girl who engages in fuckboy behavior, generally thinks they are god’s gift to the earth and use words like “thirsty” “salty” “fuckboy” and “hater.”

Ok there ya go. I don’t fully agree with the definition because obviously, I have used and will continue to use terms like “thirsty,” “salty,” “fuckboy,” and “hater.” LOL that’s basically part of modern language now ya’ll. Guys use those words too!

In Homegirl terms, here are some instances of what I personally think a Fuckgirl might be.

  • A Fuckgirl is girl who will use her looks and sex appeal to get what she wants.
  • A Fuckgirl is someone who will regularly post pictures of their tatas and bootay, commonly known as thirst traps.
  • A Fuckgirl is a girl who comes off as very cool and chill, but she’s actually kind of an asshole.
  • A Fuckgirl either has a gang of Fuckgirlfriends OR no female friends. She is typically surrounded by men who either have already slept with her, wants to sleep with her, or is currently sleeping with her.
  • A Fuckgirl is THIRSTY as haillll. I’m talking insatiable thirst for the D. She could be at a funeral, and she’ll be looking for dudes. It’s all the same to her. Inappropriate thirst in inappropriate places and times.
  • A Fuckgirl is the type of girl who thinks every guy is into her and will villainize a nice guy after they tell her they’re not attracted to her.
  • A Fuckgirl is a girl who jumps from guy to guy to guy to guy with very few breaks in between and leaves a trail of broken hearts behind.
  • A Fuckgirl will go and pursue a guy regardless of whether or not he’s attached. Afterall, she wants what she wants and “always” gets what she wants.
  • A Fuckgirl is someone who sees nothing wrong about herself. According to her, self-growth is not something she needs to do…unless everyone else is doing it.
  • A Fuckgirl is someone who is constantly talking about their own problems, never taking the time to ask about yours unless it relates to her own drama.

…Well. I know I wrote that, and I don’t know about you, but during some of those bullet points, I was like…is this really a Fuckgirl? At points, I even felt like I called myself out. Around the end of that list I was like.. why the FUCK am I writing this lol. Like I said earlier, I have been guilty of some Fuckgirl moments. I’ve posted the thirst traps, I’ve hurt some dudes in the past, hell, I even had a song written about my Fuckery. It wasn’t the best song, it also wasn’t the most flattering song, but when you hurt a guy so much that he’s compelled to write a trash song about you… it means you gotta do better as a person.

Analyzing the Fuckgirl

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Let’s peel back some of these layers here. I’m speaking from my own perspective as a former Fuckgirl, so after years of self-reflection and hard work in unlearning some of my bad habits from the past, I’m in a unique position where I fucking know!!

My Fuckgirl behavior pretty much started when I was 18, after I lost about 20 pounds from quitting a controlling boyfriend and the McDonalds. All thoughout high school I was this thicc ass girl relying on my personality to attract guys. But with no luck. When I lost the weight, then guys be popping out the woodwork expressing their interest in me where there was none before. Even guys who had previously rejected me.

That’s when I truly saw how shallow some guys could be. You’d think I would have just enjoyed the newfound attention, but it actually just made me angry. Angry AF. I was still the same me. But that experience sort of changed my view on the male gender. I almost preferred being that chubby girl before…because at least I knew that the men who were my friends, were actually my friends. They were real with no agenda except maybe trying to date my girlfriends. That’s probably a conversation for another post though.

I started hating men to the point where I was just like “Fuck it. If guys can be players, I can too.” LOL. Good ole silly little me who truly believed that women would be treated equally if they acted like men in the society that we live in.

After years of having this mentality, I got myself in a bunch of trouble at times, and I was relentlessly selfish. Not caring who I hurt along the way. Quoting Madonna, I was just a material girl living in a material world. And with each uncaring moment, the more I lost a bit of the good, genuine person I used to be. It was a slippery slope.

And I’m not saying that all Fuckgirls are the same. Like Fuckboys, these girls come in all shapes and sizes. In my personal experience, I was that angry ass unempathetic selfish Fuckgirl. But there are Fuckgirls who are just shallow. There are Fuckgirls who care about using their looks to get what they want. There are Fuckgirls who will slash a guy’s tires. There are Fuckgirls who will go Gone Girl on your ass and are TRULY PSYCHOS. There are Fuckgirls who are all of it.

After awhile, I realized that I was really afraid to be alone. I was also obsessed with finding the perfect guy. If you’re someone who follows my blog, you know already that I believe that people attract who they are. The reason I was attracting the Fuckboys before was because I was their counterpart. Perhaps I did some of these things to numb out my pain, perhaps it was to make a Fuckboy jealous. Perhaps, in my mind, if I couldn’t get the Fuckboy, this meant I needed to get even. And maybe, perhaps perhaps (my new favorite word), I also wanted to feel like I was cool and on top. When in reality… Fuckgirl.

Now…How Do You Stop Being a Fuckgirl?

At the end of the day, Fuckgirls and Fuckboys are similar. They are both pretending. They hide behind a facade and live in their own little materialistic and superficial reality. Everyone has their own reasons for being who they are, but if you’re a Fuckgirl and want to stop to become an empowered woman…here’s what you can do.

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Step 1: Admit to yourself that you may have a problem.

This is the first, and probably most important step. You can’t grow as a person if you’re unable to acknowledge your mistakes and that you have done other people and yourself some damage. Everyone has their own problems…however. When you acknowledge that you may be the cause of some of those problems, you are now taking accountability. That is a grown ass woman move. Also, now that you know that you may be a Fuckgirl, it gives you the power to take control of your life and yourself. You can be in a position to grow and change.

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Step 2: Take a break from the D.

Yes. I know it hurts, especially when you have a hottie just waiting there for ya. But you gotta tear yourself away from the D for a sec. I’m talking temporarily, OK. This time is about you. And only you. Use the time away from the dick to get to know yourself, form stronger bonds with your friends, check in on family.

If you’re used to sleeping with someone everyday, every other day, every week… try cutting down and fill that void with another activity you love. Do you like to cook? Learn some recipes. Enjoy working out? Sculpt your body and turn into a fitness goddess. Does your place needing a good revamp? Do some decorating. Like reading? Pick up a really addicting romance novel and tear through that shit. Do you have Netflix? Time for some Kdramas. Or some movies with strong female leads (Not Monster with Charlize Theron though). OH… and maybe invest in a good, rechargeable vibrator. That thing will make you self-sufficient. Have at it girl.

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Step 3: Start a journal and self-reflect.

Part of the reason why I started writing this blog and keeping my journal is because I was pretty sure my friends were tired of hearing my shit. Many of them were very stable, opposite of me, pretty settled and entering more “grown” phases in their lives. Many never dated around and married their high school or college boyfriends. Some were also perpetually single and preferred it that way. They couldn’t relate and they also lost patience for me and my drama. I can also be an intense and thorough person. I can keep going on and on and on and on about the same old thing, and I also used to be pretty uncaring when it came to their problems. Pretty one-sided.

In a journal, you can write allllll of your thoughts down. You can also go back and re-read them with a new perspective. Sometimes, you can pick out your negative thoughts, and say HEY. I’m gonna change this about myself. or HEY this was kind of a shitty thing to write about someone. Your thoughts are YOURS and yours only. As we know, thoughts are also powerful. When you change the way you think about things, you can also change your emotions and behaviors. Therapy at its finest ya’ll.

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Step 4: Come to terms with your pain.

There’s this phrase that comes to mind… “Hurt people hurt others.” You didn’t become a Fuckgirl because things were all good and dandy for you. Chances are, you were probably wounded in some way in the past and learned to release some of that pain a certain way. Retrace your steps back to how your Fuckgirl behavior started and how it might have gotten worse. Somewhere along the way, you learned to mask your pain and protect yourself by not being open to something real. Maybe you grew up with instability and that’s what you’re comfortable with now. When you’re able to come to terms with your past and NOT let it get to you while still being kind and understanding towards others…Girl….that’s true power you have right there.

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Step 5: Friendzone every single damn guy you meet.

I should probably rephrase this step but whatever. I’m gonna go with it. This step is straying away from your self-help and veering more towards strategy, but I’m keeping it because it also works for your own sanity and time when it comes to guys. At the end of the day, we all want to be boss bitches and this step can help with that as well.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re not interested in a guy and friendzone him, he tends to be EVEN MORE INTERESTED IN YOU? That’s because a) you probably didn’t tell him straight up that you’re not attracted to him b) you gave him the opportunity to get to know you in a nonsexual way and he liked you more and accepted you for it… On that note, have you ever noticed that when you ARE interested in a guy, you don’t friendzone him and go straight into HELLO THERE WINK WINK. I get it. BUT. Friendzoning everyone can be very beneficial for you in the end–even if you meet someone who’s hot as hell and checks all your boxes. It gives you the chance to get to know them while finding out if they truly like you for you. You can find out if you share similar values, interests, if they get along with your people, your life, if they would even make a good partner, and you can also find out if THEY are the Fuckboy. Also..in case the hot dude isn’t interested in you, then it saves you from rejection. It’s definitely the safe option.

WELP. That’s all I got. Full disclosure, half of what I said above could also be wrong as hell. But if it sounds like you could relate to it, give this post a like and follow if you want to read more posts like this. If you want me to write about some other topics or answer some questions about what’s going on in your love life, please let me know in the comments.

I re-read my Fuckboy post and I’m cracking up over my “make him your bitch” line LOL. What is wrong with me!

With love,

Homegirl

Author’s note: Hello! I know it’s been a long while since I updated this. I believe it was at the beginning of 2020 before we all got hit with a global pandemic! Well, *surprise surprise* I went through another break up during the first month of the COVID shut down, so I was busy recuperating and building myself back up. After going through a mini breakdown (which I will maaaybe write about later), I pretty much had no choice but to pick myself up while all my usual outlets were inaccessible. And I did.

Now it’s 2 years later…I am older, I am wiser, and I am SEMI-TRAINED in life and psychology skills (just finished my first year in a clinical psych doctoral program). AND I AM READY TO GIVE YA’LL SOME REAL ASS DATING ADVICE COMMENTARY THAT’S (partly) GROUNDED IN EXPERIENCE AND SCIENTIFIC FACTS! In my personal life, after the years of hard work, obstacles, and picking myself back up… I am finally, FINALLY living a life I’ve always dreamed of, I am in a good place mentally, and I would love to support and entertain my readers who are currently struggling.

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