How to Stop Being a Fuckgirl

As promised back in 2019…I am going to continue with my Fuckboy/Fuckgirl series. Here we go now…Fuckgirls!

Why am I writing this post?

After writing the Fuckboy article a few years ago, I knew in the back of my mind that it’s only fair to write about Fuckgirls too. Perhaps the reason why it took me so long to write this particular post is because I KNOW that during some point in my life, I have been a Fuckgirl. GUILTY party here. Perhaps I felt/still feel some deep deep shame about it. Hmm..

Another reason why I postponed writing this is because I’m generally all about women. I am pro-female. I love empowering women and I love girl bosses and QUEENS. Staunch feminist here. I don’t give a fuck if a girl wants to hook up with a bunch of dudes or play them the way guys play girls. Your body your choice! Do you as long as you’re being safe about it. But for reals, I don’t want the women reading my blog to feel attacked, judged, or belittled because some of what I write about Fuckgirls may hit close to home.

We all know there are different reasons why some girls are considered Fuckgirls. Maybe writing this article will shed some light and differentiate the little Fuckgirls from women who are empowered, kind, and confident. Maybe it’ll keep you from becoming one. Hell, maybe you are one already and don’t even realize it…if that’s the case…then…THIS POST IS FOR YOU! I’m not sure if many men read my blog, but for those out there who are…maybe this can help you spot a Fuckgirl and make your own decision around that. Here it goooes!

Defining the Fuckgirl

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From my experience, the term “Fuckgirl” is usually thrown around as the female equivalent to a Fuckboy. But are they really equivalent? According to Urban Dictionary, a Fuckgirl is defined as:

“A girl who engages in fuckboy behavior, generally thinks they are god’s gift to the earth and use words like “thirsty” “salty” “fuckboy” and “hater.”

Ok there ya go. I don’t fully agree with the definition because obviously, I have used and will continue to use terms like “thirsty,” “salty,” “fuckboy,” and “hater.” LOL that’s basically part of modern language now ya’ll. Guys use those words too!

In Homegirl terms, here are some instances of what I personally think a Fuckgirl might be.

• A Fuckgirl is girl who will use her looks and sex appeal to get what she wants.
• A Fuckgirl is someone who will regularly post pictures of their tatas and bootay, commonly known as thirst traps.
• A Fuckgirl is a girl who comes off as very cool and chill, but she’s actually kind of an asshole.
• A Fuckgirl either has a gang of Fuckgirlfriends OR no female friends. She is typically surrounded by men who either have already slept with her, wants to sleep with her, or is currently sleeping with her.
• A Fuckgirl is THIRSTY as haillll. I’m talking insatiable thirst for the D. She could be at a funeral, and she’ll be looking for dudes. It’s all the same to her. Inappropriate thirst in inappropriate places and times.
• A Fuckgirl is the type of girl who thinks every guy is into her and will villainize a nice guy after they tell her they’re not attracted to her.
• A Fuckgirl is a girl who jumps from guy to guy to guy to guy with very few breaks in between and leaves a trail of broken hearts behind.
• A Fuckgirl will go and pursue a guy regardless of whether or not he’s attached. Afterall, she wants what she wants and “always” gets what she wants.
• A Fuckgirl is someone who sees nothing wrong about herself. According to her, self-growth is not something she needs to do…unless everyone else is doing it.
• A Fuckgirl is someone who is constantly talking about their own problems, never taking the time to ask about yours unless it relates to her own drama.

…Well. I know I wrote that, and I don’t know about you, but during some of those bullet points, I was like…is this really a Fuckgirl? At points, I even felt like I called myself out. Around the end of that list I was like.. why the FUCK am I writing this lol. Like I said earlier, I have been guilty of some Fuckgirl moments. I’ve posted the thirst traps, I’ve hurt some dudes in the past, hell, I even had a song written about my Fuckery. It wasn’t the best song, it also wasn’t the most flattering song, but when you hurt a guy so much that he’s compelled to write a trash song about you… it means you gotta do better as a person.

Analyzing the Fuckgirl

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Let’s peel back some of these layers here. I’m speaking from my own perspective as a former Fuckgirl, so after years of self-reflection and hard work in unlearning some of my bad habits from the past, I’m in a unique position where I fucking know!!

My Fuckgirl behavior pretty much started when I was 18, after I lost about 20 pounds from quitting a controlling boyfriend and the McDonalds. All thoughout high school I was this thicc ass girl relying on my personality to attract guys. But with no luck. When I lost the weight, then guys be popping out the woodwork expressing their interest in me where there was none before. Even guys who had previously rejected me.

That’s when I truly saw how shallow some guys could be. You’d think I would have just enjoyed the newfound attention, but it actually just made me angry. Angry AF. I was still the same me. But that experience sort of changed my view on the male gender. I almost preferred being that chubby girl before…because at least I knew that the men who were my friends, were actually my friends. They were real with no agenda except maybe trying to date my girlfriends. That’s probably a conversation for another post though.

I started hating men to the point where I was just like “Fuck it. If guys can be players, I can too.” LOL. Good ole silly little me who truly believed that women would be treated equally if they acted like men in the society that we live in.

After years of having this mentality, I got myself in a bunch of trouble at times, and I was relentlessly selfish. Not caring who I hurt along the way. Quoting Madonna, I was just a material girl living in a material world. And with each uncaring moment, the more I lost a bit of the good, genuine person I used to be. It was a slippery slope.

And I’m not saying that all Fuckgirls are the same. Like Fuckboys, these girls come in all shapes and sizes. In my personal experience, I was that angry ass unempathetic selfish Fuckgirl. But there are Fuckgirls who are just shallow. There are Fuckgirls who care about using their looks to get what they want. There are Fuckgirls who will slash a guy’s tires. There are Fuckgirls who will go Gone Girl on your ass and are TRULY PSYCHOS. There are Fuckgirls who are all of it.

After awhile, I realized that I was really afraid to be alone. I was also obsessed with finding the perfect guy. If you’re someone who follows my blog, you know already that I believe that people attract who they are. The reason I was attracting the Fuckboys before was because I was their counterpart. Perhaps I did some of these things to numb out my pain, perhaps it was to make a Fuckboy jealous. Perhaps, in my mind, if I couldn’t get the Fuckboy, this meant I needed to get even. And maybe, perhaps perhaps (my new favorite word), I also wanted to feel like I was cool and on top. When in reality… Fuckgirl.

Now…How Do You Stop Being a Fuckgirl?

At the end of the day, Fuckgirls and Fuckboys are similar. They are both pretending. They hide behind a facade and live in their own little materialistic and superficial reality. Everyone has their own reasons for being who they are, but if you’re a Fuckgirl and want to stop to become an empowered woman…here’s what you can do.

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Step 1: Admit to yourself that you may have a problem.

This is the first, and probably most important step. You can’t grow as a person if you’re unable to acknowledge your mistakes and that you have done other people and yourself some damage. Everyone has their own problems…however. When you acknowledge that you may be the cause of some of those problems, you are now taking accountability. That is a grown ass woman move. Also, now that you know that you may be a Fuckgirl, it gives you the power to take control of your life and yourself. You can be in a position to grow and change.

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Step 2: Take a break from the D.

Yes. I know it hurts, especially when you have a hottie just waiting there for ya. But you gotta tear yourself away from the D for a sec. I’m talking temporarily, OK. This time is about you. And only you. Use the time away from the dick to get to know yourself, form stronger bonds with your friends, check in on family.

If you’re used to sleeping with someone everyday, every other day, every week… try cutting down and fill that void with another activity you love. Do you like to cook? Learn some recipes. Enjoy working out? Sculpt your body and turn into a fitness goddess. Does your place needing a good revamp? Do some decorating. Like reading? Pick up a really addicting romance novel and tear through that shit. Do you have Netflix? Time for some Kdramas. Or some movies with strong female leads (Not Monster with Charlize Theron though). OH… and maybe invest in a good, rechargeable vibrator. That thing will make you self-sufficient. Have at it girl.

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Step 3: Start a journal and self-reflect.

Part of the reason why I started writing this blog and keeping my journal is because I was pretty sure my friends were tired of hearing my shit. Many of them were very stable, opposite of me, pretty settled and entering more “grown” phases in their lives. Many never dated around and married their high school or college boyfriends. Some were also perpetually single and preferred it that way. They couldn’t relate and they also lost patience for me and my drama. I can also be an intense and thorough person. I can keep going on and on and on and on about the same old thing, and I also used to be pretty uncaring when it came to their problems. Pretty one-sided.

In a journal, you can write allllll of your thoughts down. You can also go back and re-read them with a new perspective. Sometimes, you can pick out your negative thoughts, and say HEY. I’m gonna change this about myself. or HEY this was kind of a shitty thing to write about someone. Your thoughts are YOURS and yours only. As we know, thoughts are also powerful. When you change the way you think about things, you can also change your emotions and behaviors. Therapy at its finest ya’ll.

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Step 4: Come to terms with your pain.

There’s this phrase that comes to mind… “Hurt people hurt others.” You didn’t become a Fuckgirl because things were all good and dandy for you. Chances are, you were probably wounded in some way in the past and learned to release some of that pain a certain way. Retrace your steps back to how your Fuckgirl behavior started and how it might have gotten worse. Somewhere along the way, you learned to mask your pain and protect yourself by not being open to something real. Maybe you grew up with instability and that’s what you’re comfortable with now. When you’re able to come to terms with your past and NOT let it get to you while still being kind and understanding towards others…Girl….that’s true power you have right there.

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Step 5: Friendzone every single damn guy you meet.

I should probably rephrase this step but whatever. I’m gonna go with it. This step is straying away from your self-help and veering more towards strategy, but I’m keeping it because it also works for your own sanity and time when it comes to guys. At the end of the day, we all want to be boss bitches and this step can help with that as well.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re not interested in a guy and friendzone him, he tends to be EVEN MORE INTERESTED IN YOU? That’s because a) you probably didn’t tell him straight up that you’re not attracted to him b) you gave him the opportunity to get to know you in a nonsexual way and he liked you more and accepted you for it… On that note, have you ever noticed that when you ARE interested in a guy, you don’t friendzone him and go straight into HELLO THERE WINK WINK. I get it. BUT. Friendzoning everyone can be very beneficial for you in the end–even if you meet someone who’s hot as hell and checks all your boxes. It gives you the chance to get to know them while finding out if they truly like you for you. You can find out if you share similar values, interests, if they get along with your people, your life, if they would even make a good partner, and you can also find out if THEY are the Fuckboy. Also..in case the hot dude isn’t interested in you, then it saves you from rejection. It’s definitely the safe option.

WELP. That’s all I got. Full disclosure, half of what I said above could also be wrong as hell. But if it sounds like you could relate to it, give this post a like and follow if you want to read more posts like this. If you want me to write about some other topics or answer some questions about what’s going on in your love life, please let me know in the comments.

I re-read my Fuckboy post and I’m cracking up over my “make him your bitch” line LOL. What is wrong with me!

With love,

Homegirl

Author’s note: Hello! I know it’s been a long while since I updated this. I believe it was at the beginning of 2020 before we all got hit with a global pandemic! Well, *surprise surprise* I went through another break up during the first month of the COVID shut down, so I was busy recuperating and building myself back up. After going through a mini breakdown (which I will maaaybe write about later), I pretty much had no choice but to pick myself up while all my usual outlets were inaccessible. And I did.

Now it’s 2 years later…I am older, I am wiser, and I am SEMI-TRAINED in life and psychology skills (just finished my first year in a clinical psych doctoral program). AND I AM READY TO GIVE YA’LL SOME REAL ASS DATING ADVICE COMMENTARY THAT’S (partly) GROUNDED IN EXPERIENCE AND SCIENTIFIC FACTS! In my personal life, after the years of hard work, obstacles, and picking myself back up… I am finally, FINALLY living a life I’ve always dreamed of, I am in a good place mentally, and I would love to support and entertain my readers who are currently struggling.

How to Win Over a Fuckboy, Part 2

Oh. My. God. I’m so sorry it took so long for me to post a new blog. These past two months have been CURR-AYYY-ZEEE between school, my birthday, traveling, family visiting, and graduation. I know right? But now, you’re looking at Homegirl Confessions with a Masters Degree in Psychology. What what!

Now…to continue from my previous post (Re: How to Win Over a Fuckboy, Part 1), you’ve already had two months to work on maintaining a solid self-image and being more secure in yourself. You’ve had time to find out what is truly you. I hope you are all more beautiful men and women because of that re-frame.

If you’ve been sitting around eating junk food and watching Netflix during that time instead of working on yourself, which (let’s be real) is probably what happened, that’s completely OK too, but either way. I’m going to sum up the final steps for How to Win Over a Fuckboy.

So far, I basically just told you to make yourself independent, secure, and brave. Let me tell you something — most PEOPLE in general, respect a woman who has these characteristics. These are qualities that can possibly help you find a good relationship, better self-outlook, and sometimes even a new job.

Now that you’re well on your way to becoming your ideal self, it’s time to move on to the next few steps when interacting with your Fuck Boy.

STEP 4: Be a Little Less Friendly Than He is to You

In other words, act like a cool bitch. A patient cool bitch! Cool bitches don’t chase after men — they just don’t. Men chase them. Cool chicks know exactly who they are, and they know that if they act like the Needy chick, the Fuckboy can easily win, and they’ll always have the upper hand. DON’T PICK HIM UP ANYWHERE, DON’T PAY FOR HIM, DON’T KISS HIS ASS, DON’T GO TO HIM. Force that guy to invest time IN YOU. Because honey — you’re worth it.

But also, look at the situation.

For example, if he just flew back into town after spending the holidays with his family and he has NO ONE to pick him up from the airport because he left his car at home AND HE CALLS YOU AND YOU HAVE TIME. It’s OK to pick him up. That’s not needy or desperate, that’s called being a good friend because you’re available. But also emphasize that he owes you dinner in exchange. NOT DICK. Actual dinner.

STEP 5: Try Not To Sleep With Him…Just Tease.

This is when these steps start getting real hard. Practicing self-control and keeping your boundaries up early on in the relationship…blah.

Don’t be easy, even if deep down inside, you knows you’s a hoe. AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A HOE, BABYGIRL. WE ARE ALL HOES. But if you’re trying to get a guy you really want — try using a dildo instead or something and keep it in your pants. The end game is to trap his ass right? Leave him intrigued and fantasizing.

BUT. And this is a big BUT. It’s ultimately up to you if you wanna sleep with your fuckboy. Perhaps you’re someone who can emotionally handle having sex with him right away. I mean, it’s 2019. Times are changing. However, if you MUST sleep with him, I suggest GETTING THE FUDGE OUT of his place immediately. Don’t stay. Don’t cling. Don’t linger. If you’re gonna sleep with him, own your sexuality and independence and BIZOUNCE.

STEP 6: Know Your Worth

When you’re in a relationship with a good man, he will make sure you know what you’re worth. However, with a fuckboy–these guys all seem to have an uncanny ability to make you feel like you’re never good enough. FORREAL. They may talk about how they used to (or still) date beautiful women, successful women, amazing women, etc. Maybe that’s what attracts you to them, but a good man…would never make you feel less than. He’ll make you feel like he won the lottery with you.

Since you’re trying to WIN OVER A FUCKBOY…it is YOUR JOB to know your own worth. Don’t expect your fuckboy to validate you. I mean, sometimes they will validate you and make you feel like you’re on top of the world with just a teeny little compliment. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you to know how amazing you are and how LUCKY that guy is to have you in his life. Trust, this faith in yourself will translate into CONFIDENCE. I’m telling you. There is nothing like an empowered woman to make a fuckboy feel like he’s gotta work a little harder.

STEP 7: Date Other Guys

I dated this guy before, we had a great night, and we went out to get coffee the next day. Basically, he told me that he didn’t want to make it weird if I ran into him and he was with another girl–because he was seeing other people.

My reaction? “Oh! That’s cool, I’m seeing other people too.” *I look relieved and flash him my beautiful smile*

Based on his reaction, it caught him by surprise. But I mean…I really was seeing other people, and there was no point lying to him.

Let’s say I was ONLY seeing him and no one else. ALL my attention was on this one dude that I just slept with, and he just told me he was seeing other people. I would have (probably) been real hurt or angry. I would have felt disposable. I would have felt a need to compete. I might have felt less than. Insecure. A bunch of feels.

Personally, I still woulda told him I’m seeing other people.

When you’re dating other guys, your attention is divided. You and Fuckboy are on the same page about dating, same playing field, EQUAL.

He’s got options? You got options too, girl.

STEP 8: Be Direct With What You Want

OK. So. Think about the advice I’ve given you so far. If you go step-by-step, you might have realized that another issue in your relationship with Fuckboy has arisen. Think about it. You’re casually sleeping with him (or not) and you’ve made it known (or not) that you’re seeing other guys and you’re super duper confident and know your worth.

Another reason why your Fuckboy might be acting like a Fuckboy might be because you’ve carried yourself like this so far. He might think you’re OK the way things are. He still gets to sleep with you and other girls, he doesn’t need to commit, and he knows you’re cool AF. This is when you need to straighten him out.

BE DIRECT WITH HIM AND TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT. Or leave.

If you’ve been acting hella cool and you’ve hung out with this dude for about half a year already, it’s safe to say that a fair amount of time has passed by for him to know whether or not he wants to be with you. Be direct about being exclusive, and let him know that if he’s not gonna do that, you’re gonna have to move on. At the end of the day, you’re not looking to collect fuck buddies. You’re looking for a REAL, HONEST, MATURE relationship.

No one can read your mind. If you want something, say you want it. But also, be prepared for him to say no too. Respect yourself and walk away.

PERHAPS. Your Fuckboy just needs time to think and process your request to be exclusive. Give him a week or two to mull things over, and then if things still don’t change, it’s time to break things off — or even better yet, just ignore the dude until you’ve processed everything fully. Definitely, don’t pick up his drunk calls.

Make him get used to not depending on you and not having you around. Make him miss you.

STEP 9: Make a Decision

Do you want to wait for him or do you think you deserve more? Whatever you decide, don’t keep changing your mind like a confused flip-flopper. I am notorious for changing my mind. I tell people that sometimes, I feel like I’m in a constant state of confusion because making decisions…yeah, that’s not my forte.

I legit FELL IN LOVE with King Fuckboy a couple years ago. Honestly, he was starting to change his ways, and I had gotten all the way to this step right hurr. He told me he wasn’t talking to other girls anymore, and he was there to support me whenever I needed. It was what I was asking from him all along — except he never explicitly said he was gonna stop banging other girls.

Perhaps I was just scared of taking a risk at the time, but I ultimately made the decision to leave him. I weighed out my feelings vs. my BRAIN and logic. If I decided to be with this guy, I felt like he would cheat on me. He didn’t really take me out on dates that required him to spend money (even tho he was pretty successful). He also *and I emphasize this one is probably the most important* he never went down on me. AHEM AHEM. DEAL BREAKER.

So no matter how much I loved this dude, I couldn’t imagine dealing with the bad stuff long term. That was my decision that I stuck with. BUT…if I ran into this guy TOMORROW, after not interacting with him for a couple years already — I honestly believe that he would approach our relationship differently.

But if I had made a decision to leave…and then I came back…and then I changed my mind…He would lose respect for me. He would get used to the disappearing and coming back. He would treat me worse over time. Don’t put yourself in that loop.

STEP 10: The Long Game

For me, I like to play the long game. I wait at least a month before contacting him back, and I’m mentally prepared to never talk to him again. Why?

A part of the reason why the Fuckboy treats you the way he does is BECAUSE he doesn’t really know you that well or for that long. He doesn’t trust you. Or because you have ALLOWED him to act this way towards you for so long that he’s just used to it. However, if you wait a month, two months, half a year, a year…whatever. You’re OFFICIALLY a girl he has had history with who has previously put her foot down. When you two eventually reconnect, he’ll have a little bit more respect for you than he did before.

You’d be amazed how being patient can change things. It can somehow build trust and loyalty where there was none, simply because you’ve known each other for a longer period of time. Conversation is weird at first, but when it keeps going, you’ll start speaking with each other more comfortably, with familiarity. You’re honest about things you haven’t been before.

This is the time when you’re no longer just that girl he was sleeping with. You’re [insert name here]. The cool girl who got away. That enigma.

Beware though — there’s a chance he might have a girlfriend by then. But if he’s really a fuckboy…he won’t. Not so quickly. Maybe. I don’t know.

Conclusion

So…I hope ya’ll know. This post got a little confusing around the end. It’s because this method can honestly go either way. As I mentioned in my previous Fuckboy post…they keep on evolving. Changing. Dating is changing. Etiquette is changing.

Even though this method has worked for me in the past, it has also created a lot of open-ended relationships with guys I’ve once dated. Yes, it’s helped me get long-term boyfriends, but they’ve also snagged me a lot of toxic dudes who wouldn’t let go as well.

I get messages from guys 2, 5, 10 years later saying that they felt like they made the wrong choice before with me. That I got under their skin. That means I win right? No. I MADE THAT CHOICE. NOT YOU FUCKBOY. This situation sucks because oftentimes by the time they contact me, these guys are with other women long-term–not me. BUT. When you re-frame…I wouldn’t wanna be that woman they’re with now because their man is still messaging other women !!!!! Does that make sense?

So what I’m saying is that my steps…aren’t foolproof. But HEY. There’s no one-stop guide to life. We just live it the best we can ya’ll.

A lot of other factors come into play too for the Fuckboy when he’s deciding whether or not he wants to be with you only. For example, how attractive are you to him? He might be shallow AF and just like you for your nice rack. Also, is he a super rich dude and you a super ghetto girl? There might be issues that come up with unequal financial status. Same with education, age, life habits, friends you have, etc. Normal dating stuff if you ask me.

Now that I’m older, there’s absolutely nothing I find sexier than RESPONSIBILITY, RESPECTING YOUR WOMAN, LOYALTY, HUMILITY, and TAKING INITIATIVE WITH YOUR LIFE. A Fuckboy might have a few of these qualities, but never all of them. I look for the guy who has all of them. Now, that might not be for you–if that’s the case, check out my Perfect Man Method.

OK, my brain seriously hurts now.

Homegirl OUT.

How to Win Over a Fuckboy, Part 1

Fuckboys.

Whenever the subject of Fuckboys come up, I either feel like I know everything about them or absolutely nothing at all. While Urban Dictionary or a simple Google search can offer endless answers, chances are, if you’re reading this post, you already know damn well what a Fuckboy is…and you also want to *shivers* learn how to win them over.

Defining the Fuckboy aka Fuckboiii

To the girl who is in love with the Fuckboy, they might not be a Fuckboy to you. They might just be this kind of guy:

• A guy who means well, but he just makes a lot of mistakes when it comes to dating.
• A guy who likes you and is really sweet, but he’s got too much going on in his life right now to even think about relationships.
• A guy that a lot of girls seem to be going after…it’s not his fault he’s such a catch that he attracts a lot of women.
• A guy who still needs to figure himself out internally, so he doesn’t want anything serious, but still wants to date you at the same time.
• His friends are fuckboys–not him.

Don’t be in denial ya’ll. If you want to truly conquer the Fuckboy, you first MUST acknowledge him for who he is in all his shameful glory. If you don’t know what the definition of a Fuckboy is, here are some of my personal definitions, which I assure you are 1000% accurate lol:

• A fuckboy is a boy who thinks he’s a man, but he’s really not. He’s a sheep in wolve’s clothing. He’s just an embodiment of qualities he mistakenly THINKS are considered manly, such as being a douche, being a player/womanizer, and being disproportionately smug and confident about himself.
• A fuckboy is a guy who bombards you with messages after meeting you once, saying weird ass shit like “you’re the one for me” or “if I were your man, I’d never leave you” or (my personal favorite) “you’re perfect. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
• A fuckboy is a manchild who is clear about NOT wanting anything serious with you, but he will still try to hang out with you in an ambiguous and questionably flirty manner. All the while, he’s posting pics up online with him hanging with a buncha other bitches like that’s normal and cool.
• A fuckboy is a guy who is overwhelmed with too many romantic options, and his greedy ass wants to pick everyone. Or just have sex for the hell of it even if it’s at the risk of leading you on. This kind of fuckboy might also have a large penis–and you’re probably in love with it.
• A fuckboy is a guy who might already be unavailable, he could have a longterm girlfriend, yet he’ll still go after you–regardless of your situation, and act as if he truly wants to be with you.

In a nutshell, a Fuckboy is the “well-intentioned” player who doesn’t mean to hurt you, lead you on, or act like a douche — but he will inevitably do so….and in a dramatic, shocking, assholish, and unpredictable fashion. They are the asshole that refuses to acknowledge he’s an asshole, even though he walks, talks, and breaths bullshit.

Analyzing the Fuckboy

It seems that Fuckboys come in all different shapes and sizes these days. They can be handsome, ugly, young, old, preppy, nerdy, tall, short, fat, scrawny, whatever — these guys just keep evolving. They don’t even have to be charming anymore! They’re just regular ass dudes who seem unattainable. In the past, there were the “players” or the “bad boys,” but those guys grew out of fashion, and with the millennial generation emerged the swaggery, misunderstood Fuckboy.

If you peel back the dapperly-dressed layers of the modern Fuckboy, you’ll oftentimes find a guy who’s deeply insecure about his own life. Also–chances are, he’s probably had his heart broken by a Fuckgirl (will talk about this bitch in my next post), so not committing and acting aloof might just be their defense mechanism against getting hurt again.

It’s almost as if some of these guys heard the term “nice guys finish last” SO MANY TIMES when they were younger, but at the same time, they also didn’t want to be a dickhead–that they seemed to have internalized the two concepts. As a result, they turned into a “sort of asshole” but not a complete one. .. Have I lost you? Lol.

Why am I Writing This Post?

At this point, you Fuckboy-smitten girls are probably wondering….”if this chick hates Fuckboys so much, why is she writing an article about how to win them over?”

Well…I used to be obsessed with Fuckboys. As it turns out, I have quite the talent for attracting these special types of a-holes. Even now!! Except now, they don’t phase me at all. I repeat, FUCKBOYS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME. In fact, the more fuckboy-ish they act, the less I’m interested.

After 15 years of dating Fuckboys, and even being married to a Fuckboy and Master Manipulating Alcoholic Manchild, it’s safe to say that I’ve had what feels like a lifetime of experience dealing with and observing Fuckboys.

So my simple answer to the WHY is this: ...because I like winning. Behind my kind face and overall helpfulness and sass, I can be quite the spiteful and vindictive bitch who thinks all Fuckboys should go down. But before taking them down, one first needs to know how to win them over.

Therefore, it’s my duty to pass on my knowledge to women who don’t have as much experience dealing with them as I do.

SO…How Do You Win Over the Fuckboy?

STEP 1: Know Yourself, the Good and the Bad

I might have known everything about how to identify a Fuckboy in my early 20s, but I didn’t really know much about myself back then. I wasn’t aware of my behavior, and I wasn’t mindful about the way I portrayed myself.

When I was a young’n, I craved risk, danger, excitement, whirlwind romances, and spontaneity–all of that packaged into one hot guy. I was a sucker for the Fuckboy, and the ones I usually hung around were handsome, popular, charming — and they happened to attract all the ladies.

I was a different kind of girl back then. I was dependent. Needy. Hungry for validation and attention. Insecure. Jealous. Cared WAY too much. Wanted to spend every minute with Fuckboy. I was invested. I was controlling. Suspicious (still suspicious). I was way too nice. I would put my own time aside to spend time with the Fuckboy at the drop of a hat.

Back then, I was able to attract the Fuckboy, but because of those traits listed in the previous paragraph, I was never able to keep them for long. Secret? NO GUY is ever seriously into a girl like that, and if they are — you need to run away from those dudes as fast as you can.

In identifying my positive qualities, I was also very intelligent (school-wise) and extremely accomplished before I was even old enough to drink. I wish my parents woulda told me this when I was growing up, but I was always beautiful enough, smart enough, and good enough. And if a guy cannot see that–he is absolutely not worth it.

STEP 2: Be the Best Version of Yourself

After learning more about yourself, try changing your bad habits and grow your strengths. Keep in mind that fuckboys will still fuck an insecure and dependent girl, but they would NEVER commit to a longterm relationship with one if they can help it. Also, since fuckboys usually like to surround themselves with a lot of other women, you might have some pretty stiff competition. You want stand out from the pack, be a better woman than all of them.

Let’s say you want to be more independent. If you have trouble being alone, try watching a movie in theaters by yourself. Going out to a restaurant on your own. Or maybe even something simple like going to the gym on your own. If you normally need to be with a guy 24/7 or you’re needy af, try spending some quality time with your own friends, add a fun activity to your daily life, or fill up your time doing something meaningful (unrelated to the Fuckboy) for yourself. You might feel self-conscious, lame, and very uncomfortable at first–but I promise you’ll feel more empowered afterwards.

As for acknowledging your strengths. Are you amazing at fashion? Take some steps to create your own fashion empire. Good at decorating? Remake your home. You enjoy reading? Start a book club. There’s no way you’re terrible at everything, and even if you are, it’s not like great people started off being great. Once the Fuckboy sees that you’re doing things that make you happy, growing as a person, and doing YOUR OWN THING, they’ll take notice. They’ll also respect you more for it.

STEP 3: Have Your Own Life Away from Him

Surround yourself with other friends–maybe even *gasp* other guys. When I was younger, I would wait around my house all day, waiting for the Fuckboy to call me. Or maybe I’d even text him first. I would go to work yeah, but in the back of my mind, I’d always wonder if he’d call and ask me out to dinner at his place or mine. My life would revolve around the Fuckboy to the point where I was neglecting invites to hang out with other friends. Sometimes, there’d be an event going on at work, and I’d skip them to hang out with the Fuckboy.

Are you always driving to his place? Are you dropping plans with other people to hang out with him? Have your own life away from the Fuckboy!! AND LET HIM KNOW IT. If he asks you out and you have plans already, SAY NO….and then offer a somewhat vague, future date or DON’T offer an alternate date at all. Most of the time, the Fuckboy will text you back (yes, text). And if he doesn’t? He doesn’t like you–at least not enough.

Remember that HE’S the one who needs to find time in your life. Make that dude work a little. You, my friend, are an in-demand woman who knows who she is, knows how to be strong and independent, and YOU HAVE A LIFE that doesn’t involve doting on this guy who can’t keep his dick in his pants.

If you’ve truly done the first two steps, this step should be easy. The psychology behind this step is simple. Unless that Fuckboy you’re after is actually a Narcissistic asshole, he does not want to be the center of your world. However, if he knows that you might be too busy, or losing interest in him, he’ll sense that — and he’ll try harder. Trust, having your own life is a good thing.

…….And that’s it for now. The second part to this post will be up next week. I’ll go through the last SIX STEPS in How to Win Over a Fuckboy, Part 2. In the meantime, practice the first three steps. If you’re doing it right, you’ll realize those steps take much longer than you’d expect. But I swear, if you follow it and work on yourself — you’ll feel so rewarded afterwards. You’ll also be ready to continue the next steps to winning over the Fuckboy.

If you liked this post, you might also like The Perfect Man Method, which teaches you how to find your perfect guy.

Make him your bitch, girl.

Love,
Homegirl