To My Fellow Queens Wrapping Up 2019

I’ve been in a mood lately. Perhaps it’s the holiday blues, perhaps it’s because I’ve been working non-stop. One day I’m a bit down and I hate boys, another day I’m like today is amazing and I (still) hate boys. Lol. I’m starting to suspect I low-key have a mood disorder.

But yeah, it could just be the holidays.

Holidays are a time when people (should) want to be together. Some people like being alone and with their immediate loved ones or maybe just their partner. I’m a little in between where I like to hit up maybe one or two house parties, and then go back and cuddle with a significant other, smoke a little weed, binge watch a show I really like.

Some years I have a boyfriend while other years I’m alone.

I haven’t really shared my personal life on this blog since maybe last year, but in 2019, I went through some ups-and-downs. Overall? *drumroll* I think I lived my best life this year. I amicably ended a two-year relationship, I got my Masters, I moved into my friend’s conveniently located (and beautiful) townhouse, got a job straight out of school, and transitioned my way back into the adult world .. out of student life.

What About The JUICY STUFF?

In typical Homegirl fashion, I jumped straight back into dating. Except this time around, I wanted to do it on my terms. I wanted a guy to hit all my checkboxes, no exceptions this time. If he didn’t fit it, then I’m patient and I can wait. At the same time, I was also seeing multiple guys, being open about seeing multiple guys to guys I was seeing (I know), and telling these dudes that I didn’t want a relationship.

I mean, this is all true. I shouldn’t be jumping into another relationship so quickly. There’s so much I need to work on with myself. Like, c’mon give me maybe 5 more years, then I’ll be ready to settle down and nest. The problem is — at my core, I’m a relationship kind of girl.

Yeah… still trying to figure out what I want from men as I build my career.

There are several high-quality men I’m chatting with at the moment. I’m not sure if it’s the Masters degree or that my money situation is a lot better these days, but the kind of guys I date now are guys I could only dream of dating when I was 21.

At 21, I was still going out with fuckboys. I loveeeed loser fuckboys with no job. And if they sold drugs or were in prison? Even better lol. I was certified insane when I was 21.

These days, I’m talking to doctors, business owners, CEOs, tech geniuses, ahh.. and models and IG personalities etc etc. And the kicker? They’re all hot. ALL OF THEM. Ripped hotties who want to take me out to proper dinners. WHO AM I? I don’t know.

What Changed?

Over the past few years, my personality hadn’t really changed much, but my mindset and self-respect definitely did. At the most basic level.. I respect myself, my time, and my mental space.

Respecting myself as in.. I don’t care who you are.. no matter how rich you are, how high your status is, how old you are — treat me like a human who is neither greater than or less than you. Equal. I was raised to be polite with manners, and I come from a culture that traditionally values submissive women, but if someone is being rude and talking down to me (especially a date who might make more or is older.. whatever), I don’t need to waste my time. There are plenty of other guys who are just as rich, handsome, confident, and successful as you who WON’T talk down to me. And those are the men that I want.

Respecting my time as in.. I’m a busy girl. Seriously, I am. I also really enjoy my allotted alone time every week. I work out, I love self-care, and I have my army of protective girlfriends and my sister to pay attention to. Guys ask me out regularly, so why would I go out of my way to pursue a dude who won’t text me to confirm a previously discussed time, or won’t give me details for where they’d like to take me out for a date? I would much rather be working out, at a steam room, getting my nails done (hair done, face done, legs and vagina done lol), writing, reading, partying, working……. SO MANY THINGS I’D RATHER DO than waiting around for a guy who doesn’t even have the respect to get back to me in a timely manner. It’s a pet peeve of mine. Guys who do that, especially in the beginning, are the kind of guys who will only get worse the more you accept that kind of behavior from them. Don’t have time for those kinds of dudes – that’s why they still single as hell.

Lastly, when I say respecting my mental space, and this is very important, I mean this. We all have a certain capacity for how much we can fit into our mental space every day before becoming exhausted, tired, fatigued. Whether it’s a friend or a relationship, if that person is sucking the life out of you to the point where you have no more mental energy to focus on bettering yourself or what’s truly important to you.. Let. *clap* That. *clap* Person. *clap* Go. Forreal. Whether it’s a friend or a guy who is bringing drama to your life, pointing out things about you that seem like criticism, or just pulling you into a state of anxiety and uncertainty… YEAHhhhhhh fuck that (not literally). Let them go.

And that’s all. Ever since I’ve adapted that kind of mentality, the quality of men I’ve been seeing have shot up. These men aren’t clingy, they’re equally busy, they have their share of female options as well, and did I mention….THEY’RE HOT?!

But here I am, all in my holiday feels, even though I am talking to several people. At the end of the day, I’m a relationship kind of girl… who thinks like a noncommittal single guy.. who craves companionship.. but also wants to be alone. Clearly, I’m still trying to figure out what I want for myself. I’m not as confused as I was earlier this year, but I’m also not like… I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT FOR MYSELF WHEN I WANT like a Type A weirdo. Ok maybe a bit.

Just going with the flow these days. I finally started getting the hang of my stressful but *hit the ground running* job, so I have more time to commit to myself and my passion projects. As I typed this blog entry up, I messaged my close girlfriends to kickstart our upcoming pop-psychology podcast we wanted to start – discussing our highs and woes of sex, life, love, and modern dating. We’re gonna drink some wine, talk psych, and hang out cause we’re all homegirls. Shit’s gonna be lit.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the catch-up! I swear, more posts to come.

Love you Queens,

Homegirl

STORYTIME: Lost My Cool With Potential Dream Guy

Dog toys were scattered everywhere at Troy’s place (the dude in this post: Who Keeps the Dog? Stealing Simba Back From My Crazy Ex). He had just gotten home from work, and I was at his apartment babysitting our dogs. He whipped a cigarette out from his pack of Marlboro Reds, and *chkkkh* (that’s the sound of his lighter lol). I take this as the green light to take out one of my cigarettes, and I join in on the smoking.

I updated Troy on my day, told him his doggy was good at the dog park earlier, and that both dogs should probably stop by the park one more time before I go home. He nodded and looked out the window. *Puff puff*

We got along pretty well (think of this relationship as a bro/sis relationship!!!), and in the middle of our chat, the subject of dating came up. I told him I’m casually dating, but not looking for anything serious because of my situation (at the time, I was still married, unemployed and lame). I needed to focus on other things such as my dog, my apartment, and finding a job.

Troy: So, I don’t know if you’re looking for dudes, but I know a guy who lives in my building who seems like a real ladykiller.
Me: Oh yeah? Well.. I’m a maneater! (I’m not)
Troy: I can introduce you guys, but don’t get mad at me if it doesn’t work out.
Me: Huh? Who said I wanted to meet him? Don’t introduce us! I’m not in the right place to meet guys, and there are so many other dudes in my life already. I can’t.
Troy: *SHRUGS* OK, sure. Up to you, let me know when you change your mind.

And that was that. Until we finished our cigarettes and went downstairs to the dog park.

Troy went ahead with his dog and flew past me! Meanwhile, I struggled to hold on to my fur baby Simba (he sucks at walking on a leash by the way) as he pulled me towards another direction.

I remember seeing someone else heading towards the dog park with their dog. I remember fighting to keep Simba next to me. I remember Simba pulling me towards the other person and their dog. I remember Simba running circles around me and the other owner so that we were tangled up. I remember apologetically looking up at the other owner, and I remember being pleasantly surprised.. thinking, “Wow.. this guy is fucking hot.” Then it clicked.

TROY NEVER MEANT TO RESPECT MY WISHES, AND HE FUCKING INTRODUCED ME TO HIS LADY KILLING FRIEND ANYWAYS. DAMMIT TROY IF YOU WEREN’T SO DAMN NICE HELPING ME TAKE CARE OF MY DOG, I WOULD BE SO PISSED.

Anyways, Troy’s beautiful friend’s name was Jonathan. I don’t even want to give him a nickname because his name is so darn common. But yeah..homeboy had me flustered. Something I don’t often feel for a dude.

Honestly, whenever I’ve interacted with guys of Jonathan’s “hot” caliber, I usually tried to play it cool as if I weren’t interested AT ALL. *sigh*

Back to my story, after we untangled our doggy leashes, we were both all smiles when we finally joined Troy at the dog park.

I found out that Jonathan was not only tall, dark, and handsome.. he was also smart and athletic. He was also successful. He was a year older than me, a busy guy, social, stylish, with a smug swagger about him. Not to mention his dog was incredibly well-behaved.. especially compared to my nutcase of a fur ball.

I didn’t really have much to say about myself. I told him I was freelance writing. He responded, “So you’re unemployed?” Ouch. *insert insecure reaction here* I mean. Yeah, I was unemployed too, but damn. SO EMBARRASSING. Smart guys pick up on everything. THIS WAS WHY I DIDN’T WANT TROY TO INTRODUCE US.

Although it was a bit awkward at first (we both knew that Troy was setting us up and I’m a lame-0), we eventually hit it off.. and ended up talking about dating apps out of all the subjects. Jonathan told me he recently bought this dating advice website, to which I responded, “I probably read it before.” He laughed lol. Yes. Success.

Next thing you know, we ended up chatting for about three hours. If you’re a dog owner, then you’ll know that being at the dog park for three hours is an obscenely long time. AND WHERE THE EFF WAS TROY?!!? We looked around, and Troy was GONE *POOOOOOF*. How convenient.

Anyways, I guess Jonathan enjoyed our chat. Or maybe he found me boring but physically attractive, but we ended up trading numbers, and I went back to Troy’s apartment. I was in the middle of scolding him when I received a ding on my phone.

Jonathan hit me up with a text, “What r u up to?”

Within three text messages, I was at Jonathan’s place doing stuff. Yeah. Stuff. With Netflix playing in the background.. and that was the beginning of our little fling. UGH I’M A WEAK WOMAN. That night, I remember he said I was welcome to stay over, but I decided to go home. I didn’t want to stay over, c’mon. I know what I look like in the morning, and Jonathan didn’t need to see it. After we did our business, I slept a little bit in his arms, said my goodbyes, and quietly left.

Thinking back, going upstairs to his place the first day we met was my first mistake. When I realized that this guy was Dream Guy material, I should have played my cards WAY differently. Oh well.. what happened happened, and at the time, I didn’t want a relationship, so I ended up throwing opportunities like that out the window.

Everything happens for a reason, right?