Oh. My. God. I’m so sorry it took so long for me to post a new blog. These past two months have been CURR-AYYY-ZEEE between school, my birthday, traveling, family visiting, and graduation. I know right? But now, you’re looking at Homegirl Confessions with a Masters Degree in Psychology. What what!
Now…to continue from my previous post (Re: How to Win Over a Fuckboy, Part 1), you’ve already had two months to work on maintaining a solid self-image and being more secure in yourself. You’ve had time to find out what is truly you. I hope you are all more beautiful men and women because of that re-frame.
If you’ve been sitting around eating junk food and watching Netflix during that time instead of working on yourself, which (let’s be real) is probably what happened, that’s completely OK too, but either way. I’m going to sum up the final steps for How to Win Over a Fuckboy.
So far, I basically just told you to make yourself independent, secure, and brave. Let me tell you something — most PEOPLE in general, respect a woman who has these characteristics. These are qualities that can possibly help you find a good relationship, better self-outlook, and sometimes even a new job.
Now that you’re well on your way to becoming your ideal self, it’s time to move on to the next few steps when interacting with your Fuck Boy.
STEP 4: Be a Little Less Friendly Than He is to You
In other words, act like a cool bitch. A patient cool bitch! Cool bitches don’t chase after men — they just don’t. Men chase them. Cool chicks know exactly who they are, and they know that if they act like the Needy chick, the Fuckboy can easily win, and they’ll always have the upper hand. DON’T PICK HIM UP ANYWHERE, DON’T PAY FOR HIM, DON’T KISS HIS ASS, DON’T GO TO HIM. Force that guy to invest time IN YOU. Because honey — you’re worth it.
But also, look at the situation.
For example, if he just flew back into town after spending the holidays with his family and he has NO ONE to pick him up from the airport because he left his car at home AND HE CALLS YOU AND YOU HAVE TIME. It’s OK to pick him up. That’s not needy or desperate, that’s called being a good friend because you’re available. But also emphasize that he owes you dinner in exchange. NOT DICK. Actual dinner.
STEP 5: Try Not To Sleep With Him…Just Tease.
This is when these steps start getting real hard. Practicing self-control and keeping your boundaries up early on in the relationship…blah.
Don’t be easy, even if deep down inside, you knows you’s a hoe. AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A HOE, BABYGIRL. WE ARE ALL HOES. But if you’re trying to get a guy you really want — try using a dildo instead or something and keep it in your pants. The end game is to trap his ass right? Leave him intrigued and fantasizing.
BUT. And this is a big BUT. It’s ultimately up to you if you wanna sleep with your fuckboy. Perhaps you’re someone who can emotionally handle having sex with him right away. I mean, it’s 2019. Times are changing. However, if you MUST sleep with him, I suggest GETTING THE FUDGE OUT of his place immediately. Don’t stay. Don’t cling. Don’t linger. If you’re gonna sleep with him, own your sexuality and independence and BIZOUNCE.
STEP 6: Know Your Worth
When you’re in a relationship with a good man, he will make sure you know what you’re worth. However, with a fuckboy–these guys all seem to have an uncanny ability to make you feel like you’re never good enough. FORREAL. They may talk about how they used to (or still) date beautiful women, successful women, amazing women, etc. Maybe that’s what attracts you to them, but a good man…would never make you feel less than. He’ll make you feel like he won the lottery with you.
Since you’re trying to WIN OVER A FUCKBOY…it is YOUR JOB to know your own worth. Don’t expect your fuckboy to validate you. I mean, sometimes they will validate you and make you feel like you’re on top of the world with just a teeny little compliment. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you to know how amazing you are and how LUCKY that guy is to have you in his life. Trust, this faith in yourself will translate into CONFIDENCE. I’m telling you. There is nothing like an empowered woman to make a fuckboy feel like he’s gotta work a little harder.
STEP 7: Date Other Guys
I dated this guy before, we had a great night, and we went out to get coffee the next day. Basically, he told me that he didn’t want to make it weird if I ran into him and he was with another girl–because he was seeing other people.
My reaction? “Oh! That’s cool, I’m seeing other people too.” *I look relieved and flash him my beautiful smile*
Based on his reaction, it caught him by surprise. But I mean…I really was seeing other people, and there was no point lying to him.
Let’s say I was ONLY seeing him and no one else. ALL my attention was on this one dude that I just slept with, and he just told me he was seeing other people. I would have (probably) been real hurt or angry. I would have felt disposable. I would have felt a need to compete. I might have felt less than. Insecure. A bunch of feels.
Personally, I still woulda told him I’m seeing other people.
When you’re dating other guys, your attention is divided. You and Fuckboy are on the same page about dating, same playing field, EQUAL.
He’s got options? You got options too, girl.
STEP 8: Be Direct With What You Want
OK. So. Think about the advice I’ve given you so far. If you go step-by-step, you might have realized that another issue in your relationship with Fuckboy has arisen. Think about it. You’re casually sleeping with him (or not) and you’ve made it known (or not) that you’re seeing other guys and you’re super duper confident and know your worth.
Another reason why your Fuckboy might be acting like a Fuckboy might be because you’ve carried yourself like this so far. He might think you’re OK the way things are. He still gets to sleep with you and other girls, he doesn’t need to commit, and he knows you’re cool AF. This is when you need to straighten him out.
BE DIRECT WITH HIM AND TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT. Or leave.
If you’ve been acting hella cool and you’ve hung out with this dude for about half a year already, it’s safe to say that a fair amount of time has passed by for him to know whether or not he wants to be with you. Be direct about being exclusive, and let him know that if he’s not gonna do that, you’re gonna have to move on. At the end of the day, you’re not looking to collect fuck buddies. You’re looking for a REAL, HONEST, MATURE relationship.
No one can read your mind. If you want something, say you want it. But also, be prepared for him to say no too. Respect yourself and walk away.
PERHAPS. Your Fuckboy just needs time to think and process your request to be exclusive. Give him a week or two to mull things over, and then if things still don’t change, it’s time to break things off — or even better yet, just ignore the dude until you’ve processed everything fully. Definitely, don’t pick up his drunk calls.
Make him get used to not depending on you and not having you around. Make him miss you.
STEP 9: Make a Decision
Do you want to wait for him or do you think you deserve more? Whatever you decide, don’t keep changing your mind like a confused flip-flopper. I am notorious for changing my mind. I tell people that sometimes, I feel like I’m in a constant state of confusion because making decisions…yeah, that’s not my forte.
I legit FELL IN LOVE with King Fuckboy a couple years ago. Honestly, he was starting to change his ways, and I had gotten all the way to this step right hurr. He told me he wasn’t talking to other girls anymore, and he was there to support me whenever I needed. It was what I was asking from him all along — except he never explicitly said he was gonna stop banging other girls.
Perhaps I was just scared of taking a risk at the time, but I ultimately made the decision to leave him. I weighed out my feelings vs. my BRAIN and logic. If I decided to be with this guy, I felt like he would cheat on me. He didn’t really take me out on dates that required him to spend money (even tho he was pretty successful). He also *and I emphasize this one is probably the most important* he never went down on me. AHEM AHEM. DEAL BREAKER.
So no matter how much I loved this dude, I couldn’t imagine dealing with the bad stuff long term. That was my decision that I stuck with. BUT…if I ran into this guy TOMORROW, after not interacting with him for a couple years already — I honestly believe that he would approach our relationship differently.
But if I had made a decision to leave…and then I came back…and then I changed my mind…He would lose respect for me. He would get used to the disappearing and coming back. He would treat me worse over time. Don’t put yourself in that loop.
STEP 10: The Long Game
For me, I like to play the long game. I wait at least a month before contacting him back, and I’m mentally prepared to never talk to him again. Why?
A part of the reason why the Fuckboy treats you the way he does is BECAUSE he doesn’t really know you that well or for that long. He doesn’t trust you. Or because you have ALLOWED him to act this way towards you for so long that he’s just used to it. However, if you wait a month, two months, half a year, a year…whatever. You’re OFFICIALLY a girl he has had history with who has previously put her foot down. When you two eventually reconnect, he’ll have a little bit more respect for you than he did before.
You’d be amazed how being patient can change things. It can somehow build trust and loyalty where there was none, simply because you’ve known each other for a longer period of time. Conversation is weird at first, but when it keeps going, you’ll start speaking with each other more comfortably, with familiarity. You’re honest about things you haven’t been before.
This is the time when you’re no longer just that girl he was sleeping with. You’re [insert name here]. The cool girl who got away. That enigma.
Beware though — there’s a chance he might have a girlfriend by then. But if he’s really a fuckboy…he won’t. Not so quickly. Maybe. I don’t know.
So…I hope ya’ll know. This post got a little confusing around the end. It’s because this method can honestly go either way. As I mentioned in my previous Fuckboy post…they keep on evolving. Changing. Dating is changing. Etiquette is changing.
Even though this method has worked for me in the past, it has also created a lot of open-ended relationships with guys I’ve once dated. Yes, it’s helped me get long-term boyfriends, but they’ve also snagged me a lot of toxic dudes who wouldn’t let go as well.
I get messages from guys 2, 5, 10 years later saying that they felt like they made the wrong choice before with me. That I got under their skin. That means I win right? No. I MADE THAT CHOICE. NOT YOU FUCKBOY. This situation sucks because oftentimes by the time they contact me, these guys are with other women long-term–not me. BUT. When you re-frame…I wouldn’t wanna be that woman they’re with now because their man is still messaging other women !!!!! Does that make sense?
So what I’m saying is that my steps…aren’t foolproof. But HEY. There’s no one-stop guide to life. We just live it the best we can ya’ll.
A lot of other factors come into play too for the Fuckboy when he’s deciding whether or not he wants to be with you only. For example, how attractive are you to him? He might be shallow AF and just like you for your nice rack. Also, is he a super rich dude and you a super ghetto girl? There might be issues that come up with unequal financial status. Same with education, age, life habits, friends you have, etc. Normal dating stuff if you ask me.
Now that I’m older, there’s absolutely nothing I find sexier than RESPONSIBILITY, RESPECTING YOUR WOMAN, LOYALTY, HUMILITY, and TAKING INITIATIVE WITH YOUR LIFE. A Fuckboy might have a few of these qualities, but never all of them. I look for the guy who has all of them. Now, that might not be for you–if that’s the case, check out my Perfect Man Method.
OK, my brain seriously hurts now.