Choosing Between Two Guys

Last year, I was casually dating two guys I really liked, but I was at that point where I needed to decide which one to let go because it was starting to get kinda serious with both.

The first guy…
I was really into. He’s actually the dude I talked about in this post. He was tall, handsome, hardworking, generous, successful, ambitious, intelligent. On the flip side, he was also arrogant, entitled, a bit of a womanizer, a loner, extremely impatient, and materialistic. His successes and good looks inspired me to improve myself, but at the same time, made me feel extremely insecure about both my job and my looks. We got to know each other, and he was in the middle of “changing his ways” for me, but I knew he wasn’t at that point yet where he’d be ready for a real committed relationship.

The second guy…
I met the second guy when I was still getting to know the first dude. We hung out as friends for a bit, and he was basically the opposite of guy #1. He was a simple dude. Isaiah Thomas tall (lol), Clarke Gable handsome, definitely not rich, dropped out of college to help make money for his family, and seemingly content with life. He was very patient, responsible, a great communicator, and always respectful. He made me feel like I was out of his league, and he was always there for me. I could always count on him for that. He didn’t need to change his character–he already had so much of it, but his resume wasn’t really doing it for me.

Me? I’m a hardworking, educated, funny, and an easygoing chick with a shit ton of personality. I was tired of being unhappy about guys, and I wanted to be in a healthy relationship with a man who would grow with me. After dating dudes for so long, you kinda get a sense of what works for you. I wanted a guy who was a hot alpha dream boat but at the same time, I also wanted a humble and sensitive romantic.

Anyways, I experienced the best of both worlds for a couple weeks, but I needed to choose. I would change my mind almost every other day, and I was at a crossroad. WHICH ONE?! It wasn’t until I went through two unfortunate hiccups when I realized which guy was right for me.

Hiccup #1
I locked myself out of my apartment with my phone and my dog. I didn’t know what to do. No keys, no money, and I couldn’t call an Uber with a dog. I couldn’t feed myself. I didn’t want to pay for a locksmith, and my roommates were at work. I called both guys!

What happened? Guy #1 was at work, but he said that if I could grab an Uber and go to his place until he got off and he’d help figure things out with me. That didn’t really help. Guy #2? He worked a night shift, and was super tired. He was about to go home and take a nap, but when he got my call, he dropped everything, braved through an hour of traffic, picked me up from the dog park, drove me to my realtor’s office for a spare key, and then took me home.

Hiccup #2
A couple days later…I got food poisoning! I thought I was seriously dying. Puking all over the place, no water AT ALL at home, and I was too unwell to even get out of my bedroom let alone walk my dog and find food.

What happened?
Guy #1 was at work, but he sent over a container of chicken soup from Postmates. He had plans that night, so he didn’t have time or even offer to come over. Guy #2? Again, he was sleep deprived from catering to my needy self, and was just getting off work. I texted one line that I was sick, and that’s all it took. He came over with a case of water, Gatorade, Pedialyte, medication, and he even walked my dog when I was asleep.

So what?
I had my answer staring straight at me. Guy #1 was making an effort, yes, but Guy #2 was just THERE FOR ME. Even though I was giving Guy #2 grief about whether or not we should slow down, take a step back, blah blah, I was basically annoying the shit out of him the entire week — he didn’t care about all that, and he was there for me at the end of the day.

pretty sure this is a picture of two dudes.

So I made a decision…
I began dating Guy #2, who is now my boyfriend. It’s been almost a year, and I’ve been so happy and drama-free. Since we’ve started dating, I’ve started grad school and cemented a solid career. I’ve also grown a lot mentally. Him? He’s starting school again next week, and he’s shown improvement at work enough for them to move him up into corporate. WOO.

My point is, if you’re stuck between choosing a guy like #1 and a guy like #2, go straight down to the nitty-gritty.

• Who are they as people?
• How can they fit into your life?
• Are you spending valuable time stressing out about him or is he going out of his way to de-stress you?
• When you’re at a low point, will he be there for you even if you two are fighting?
• Oh and another question. CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM BEING A GOOD DADDY TO YO BABIES?

I was worried about guy #2’s lack of a resume when I shouldn’t have been. He saw my work ethic, my ambition, and he heard me when I said it was important for me to be with someone who’s completed college. Someone who’s working a job that means something for them. Because he cared about me like that, he actually drew inspiration from me! I helped him grow! He helped me grow as well because he held me down when I was going through my high-stress moments. WOO! We both grew together!

I say this a lot, but where do you think Obama would be without Michelle? I don’t know, but I do know that behind every great man is a great woman. Blah blah blah blah.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

HG

Out With the Old, In With the New

I’ve always been a relationship girl. It’s kind of a huge issue. For the past decade, I’ve been in back-to-back long-term relationships. Most of them were good but boring, while a few were straight up toxic love kind of romances. I had about one or two well-balanced relationships where we could have gotten married, but I dipped when things started to stagnate. Since my freshman year college, the longest I’ve been single was for 3 months.

It’s almost like it’s impossible for me to be truly alone. Anyone who knows we well enough knows this all too well. With that being said, no one was really surprised that by the time I moved back to SF after being “single” for a month and a half, I was already talking to two dudes.

One dude was Officer Cheddar, and the other dude was Ronny. For the past couple weeks, I had already been chatting with Ronny almost everyday. He kept saying things like how we should meet up now that I’m finally back in town. Honestly, I wanted to because I liked him.. but for more obvious reasons, I mostly didn’t want to. I mentioned this several times already, but dude has a girlfriend. I don’t ever take these kind of guys seriously because a) grow a pair of balls and either fix your relationship or break up, and b) if he can do it to her, he can do it to another girl.

During this point in my “healing process” (Related Post: Moving on the Unhealthy Way), I was a big fan of “dispersing my love.” This is a technique that emotionally unavailable people do while they’re dating to guard their heart. If you put all your love into one person, you’re bound to get your heart broken. However, if you put a little bit of love into multiple people, the pain of heartbreak and rejection isn’t so bad.

So here I was.. dispersing my love between two guys. After texting Officer Cheddar back, we ended up chatting throughout the day. Our conversation started off innocently enough, but I think we were both in a place where we weren’t looking for anything serious at all. Not only was Officer Cheddar in the middle of a divorce, he also had two kids. Ahem. I’ve never dated a cop, a divorcee, or a father. I was in unfamiliar territory here.

The fascination of possibly going on a date with a cop kept me occupied for most of the night. I was so obsessed that I spent an embarrassing amount of hours Googling shit like, “What is it like to date a cop?” or “Dating a divorced father of two” or “Personality of a police officer” or “Are police officers jerks to date?” or “Sex with a cop.” If you were to look that shit up on Google right now, trust me when I say that I’ve read through all the top search articles. The thirst was real.

Officer Cheddar was a bold and direct guy though. He asked if I had a problem with tattoos, and I said nope. Shortly after this exchange, I found out he was almost completely tatted. Yummy. Tattoos on both arms, his chest, back, leg. Woof! This was gonna be fun. Perhaps I was caught up in the haze or missing attention, but it consumed me for a few days. I didn’t want to do anything! All I wanted to do was flirt with cop guy all the time. We planned a date for two nights later. Cheddar said he was going to handle everything and get reservations — all I had to do was to look beautiful, relax, and bring myself. I liked that. A man who could step up and not have me worry.

I was honest with Ronny and told him that Cop guy asked me out. Ronny’s jealous monster personality reared its ugly head after that, which was annoying. It was alright that he got jealous.. I mean, it’s a normal reaction if you like someone, and they start showing interest in someone else. What was NOT normal was when Ronny started saying things like, “Promise me you won’t sleep with him before you see me” or “Are you seriously already going to bang this dude this fast?”

First of all. Cut the crap. You have a girlfriend, and you have no claim over me, what I choose to do with my body, or how I handle my life. I’ve been in a fucking controlling and unhealthy relationship and shitty three-month marriage with the ultimate fuck boy already. There’s no way I was going anywhere near that territory ever again. I was having fun, so let me have fun if you really “care”. What was his story? Am I to assume that Ronny wasn’t having sex with his girlfriend? Geez. He was beginning to irritate me.

Even though he was “there” for me during my struggle times the past couple weeks by giving me some valuable life advice, he still had NO RIGHT to tell me what to do just because he felt like he needed to see me first. Hypocrite. He sure as hell better not judge me or ANY OTHER WOMEN for who they choose to have sex with. I can’t deal with these misogynistic men.

Meanwhile, I was actually starting to get pretty attached to Cop guy when in fact, I barely even knew him. There were a few reasons.. a) I liked the novelty of flirting with a cop, b) I liked that he was an alpha male while still being a gentleman, c) he was helping me handle my police escort case with my ex (Related Post: The Story of My Toxic Husband), and d) believe it or not, I was attracted to him because he was divorced.

One thing about being in a state of limbo with my ex was that I didn’t really know what term to identify myself with. I was technically not single. Technically not married either. I guess separated, but not legally. I was ashamed of my relationship with him, and Officer Cheddar was the only guy who knew about my divorce process and understood the struggle.

I think I’m going to try to cut Ronny loose though. I ain’t got time to deal with petty arguments and drama from grown ass men anymore. It was time for me to listen to Officer Cheddar’s advice.. “look beautiful, relax, loosen up a little.”

Blah, blah, blah. That’s all for now.