Stop Being Jealous, You Have a Girlfriend

I laugh at how my mind works sometimes. I’ve been told that my personality is a mixture of a douchebag and an emotional girl, trapped in the body of an angel-faced Asian chick. It’s interesting how accurate this description is. Sometimes.

Anyways, the story continues. I went on a date with Cop Guy, and it was a really fun and relaxing date. Classy food, engaging conversation, and he… was very easy on the eyes. His voice was smooth like caramel, enough to sweet talk any girl into bed. Womp womp. We discussed high school, our upbringing, shared funny stories — completely enamored with each other. Well, I’m not really sure if he was enamored, but I definitely was. We had a great night, and I really liked him.

Even though I opened myself up to dating, I didn’t want to get hurt again. After my nightmare of an ex, I knew that if I had my feelings attached to one guy, I would only be in for a disappointment again, or I’d get roped into another relationship. I really didn’t want a relationship anymore. Not for a long time, and if I were to get into another relationship, the man would have to go very, very slowly emotionally.

Yeah I didn’t mention sexually, but the sex needs some holding off from as well. For a long time, whenever I saw an attractive male, my mind went straight to: “BANG ME. YOU’RE HOT. I’M CURIOUS AND THIRSTY.” Apparently that’s not good. I really don’t care if other people do it, and in the spirit of this whole “hook up culture” that this young generation is embracing nowadays, why not? Fuck it. Literally.

Shrug. I don’t know. Steve Harvey had to go and publish “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and confuse me. If you give away the damn cookie too soon, he’s gonna get bored and ain’t gonna want it for long. 

When I sleep with someone immediately like that without them working for it…it sets me up. Changes the dynamics immediately. Men are not wired the same way as women. The ones that I like, they’re not wired to get attached emotionally after sex. It’s all physical. Yeah I like them macho, assertive dudes. It’s a conquest, and if it’s too easy for them, they just keep them in their rotation. Did I want to be that kinda woman?

To protect my heart from Cop Guy, I went out on a date with Ronny the next week.. I wrote about him in Falling for an Unavailable Guy While Still being Married. Yeah, I don’t know what I was doing going out with a dude with a girlfriend.

Even though Cop Guy was still checking in on me everyday, so was Ronny. I was open and honest with Ronny because it’s not like we had any real future together. I was myself with him. I told him who asked me out on dates, and where I was going because I was under the impression that he was not a jealous guy. Why should he be? He had a girlfriend.

Boy, was I wrong. Not only was he jealous, he was possessive, he was irrational, he was selfish and a bit judgmental and controlling. Is that my type? WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING GUYS LIKE THAT? He didn’t say anything about my date with Cop Guy (yet), but he asked me out for drinks afterwards. I should have said no, but I still had some lingering feelings from when I was in Connecticut. Afterall, when I was feeling down and low, Ronny was the person who helped steer me towards picking myself up. He was the one who finally convinced me to get a police escort to move out of my ex’s place, and part of the reason why I moved back to SF was the possibility of us hanging out. 

Perhaps I’m giving him too much credit, and I need to give myself more. *mental slap across my face* I need to remind myself that I wanted to get my shit together. OK. YEAH, THAT’S IT.

But Ronny did help me deal with some personal shit, regardless of how fucked up his womanizing was. ANYWAYS, we got drinks.. we chatted. Then we had a “moment.”

You know that moment when you’re having a good time with someone, but don’t necessarily feel the sexual tension quite yet? Well, after a drink, I felt that with Ronny. We locked eyes, and all I wanted him to do was kiss me… Unfortunately, his confidence and energy was nothing compared to Cop Guy’s. Officer Cheddar had pure confidence. Pure sweetness. It felt genuine. The sexual tension between us was present throughout the entire date. I felt nervous butterflies. Or maybe I felt intimidation.. shrug.

Ronny? Not so much. He didn’t really keep himself trim. Dad bod for sure, which was sadly a turn off. I’m no Victoria’s Secret model, but sports and workout activities are a big part of my life, so I stay fit.

I purposely smoked a cigarette because a) post-drink cigarette is awesome, and b) I didn’t want Ronny to kiss me (he didn’t smoke). I would have tasted gross. Surprise, surprise, he went for it anyways, and ugh he was a good kisser. UGH. Dude was taken!!!! What was wrong with me? Oh right.. I needed to protect my heart from falling for Officer Cheddar.

From another point of view.. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was single. I wasn’t cheating on Officer Cheddar (we’d only been on one date). But Ronny definitely cheated… and all he wanted to do was continue doing it. That was what really pissed me off, but I guess I wasn’t pissed off enough since I continued chatting with him afterwards.

I didn’t cut Ronny off until a few days later. He couldn’t handle that I went on a date with a cop. What really set me over the edge was when he said that I was quick to jump into a date with a guy. Then whatever he blurted out afterwards sounded A LOT like he was slut-shaming me. Lecturing. Judging. Kept talking about my faults.

I guess he lost his temper a bit. But, you know what that made me think? Bye, Felicia. That was the end of me and Ronny.